“Here, check this out,” his voice warm and inviting like honey seeping from the hive, trickled into my fantasy-filled mind. I gazed dreamily into his emerald green eyes. Very simply put, this guy was hot. I was melting in his steamy gaze.
I imagined the passion; the rip your clothes off, howling like a Banshee, collapsing on the zebra print rug sort of passion. Daytime soap operas dimmed in comparison to the vision that was brewing in my brain. Meteors would crash, lives would change, and buttons would fly.
He tenderly nodded, directing my attention to where he was pulling up his shirt sleeve. I couldn’t resist a glance at what was sure to be muscle laden triceps, ready to sweep me off my feet and carry me away from all this to…?
The howling Banshee is silenced. Buttons are replaced and the Zebra print rug is no more. I was jerked back from my peaceful reverie to reality. My eyes were stuck and my head was filled with the voice of Bon Scott; “She had the face of an angel, smilin’ with sin, the body of Venus with arms!” What I saw was a crude line tattoo of a beautiful female gracing the entirety of his arm. The woman, although quite lovely, was not the focal point. Show and tell time! He flexed and un-flexed his upper limb and the outline of her breasts moved like a drawing from Ray Bradbury’s Illustrated Man.
“See, her tits move?” he yelped, clearly pleased with his strategically placed goddess. Evidently, in my quest for Mr. Right, I had left a stone unturned, and now I found myself sitting at Heidelberg, cafe mocha in hand, with a man performing Rain Dance by means of wriggling arm titties for me.
I continued to stir my drink, plunging deep into thought.
How long did I have to sit here and be entertained by wriggling arm titties? I had a sudden and strong desire to listen to Highway to Hell one more time!
Let’s face it; first dates can be HELL! Think back to your karaoke weekend at The Crab Shack. Or remember the one who arrived at your designated rendezvous with a cardboard box of wine and a can of Cool Whip? How about the guy who exposed his chest to show you a tattoo bigger than your head? OK, you get the idea.
Did you know that according to ICrunchdata a man takes only 15 minutes to decide whether or not he is going to ask a woman out on a second date; and although women ponder a little longer, they have made their decision within about an hour? I don’t think it takes 15 minutes and I know it doesn’t take an hour; so let’s split the difference to 30 minutes. And while you’re at it, be completely honest, 30 minutes is still too much time.
You or your date, probably both, will know within 30 seconds if this meeting warrants a repeat engagement. I hear the moans of disgruntled discontent and disbelief. This may sound harsh, but, here’s a fact; when people interview for a job, the interviewer knows within 3 seconds, whether or not they will hire that particular candidate. THREE seconds. I’m still giving you an extra 29 plus minutes. That’s over 966 times the amount of time needed in a job interview. I’m not saying that you’re date will last only 30 seconds, but, odds are one of you is going to know within 30 seconds, probably less. And now I’m going to venture out into really dangerous waters, so dangerous that the editor may in fact cut this line altogether.
People, the cold, harsh truth is that when you sit across from your date du jour, and gaze longingly into his/her face, if you can’t imagine yourself playing tonsil hockey or doing the mattress mambo then, you shouldn’t have a second date. Not saying you won’t, saying you shouldn’t. Still, dating doesn’t have to be painful. What you need are 30 minute date spots, and here they are!
The Top 5 .
30 minute date spots in the OC!
1. The most obvious place for your first get together is a coffee house. Hey, you can always get that latte to go, if need be. Every neighborhood is inundated with corporate establishments, so show a little originality and go for the local, hip independent coffee houses, with their own vibe and flair. These will often feature local artists, or afternoon jazz, a book or poetry reading. Fortunately in the OC, Indy coffee houses still abound. One of my favorites is The Koffee Klatch on Pacific Coast Highway in Laguna Beach. This great cafe is filled with ornate chairs, excellent coffee, and specialty desserts, located straight across from the Laguna coast line. Spectacular view and funky atmosphere make this a great 30 second date spot.
If Laguna Beach is not in the correct zip code for your needs; try Mission College instructor Christine Hanson’s website; www.delocator.net. This fantastic resource is dedicated to helping people find neighborhood coffee houses alternatives to the big-chain java shops. Just plug in your zip code and voila! Your screen is full of Indy coffee shops.
2. The traditional Spanish Tapas bars are beginning to make their way into the United States and they are fun, with a capital F! Typically they are stand up appetizer bars, complete with olives, peppers, artisan cheeses and wines. Try Zinc Cafe in Corona Del Mar for a brief, free wine and cheese sampling at their stylish Cheese Island! A fabulous meet and greet, which could lead for a very scenic beach walk or a short jaunt to the parking lot, whatever that 30 seconds dictates.
3. There is no reason why you can’t get a little education on your 30 second date. Check out the finest museum offerings of the OC. Tackle one genre, era or theme. How about the International Surfing Museum in Huntington Beach? This museum is home to surfing exhibits, ancient boards, retro music and amazing videos of surfing athletes. And if you decide that the 30 minutes should be longer, take in a surf movie or watch the surfers from the incomparable southern California coast.
Although, The Fullerton Arboretum is not a museum, it is still a really cool spot. It is a 26-acre botanical garden with an ecologically arranged collection of plants from around the world. It is located on the California State University, Fullerton campus. If you’re really thinking, you could bring a bouquet of wildflowers to this rendezvous!
The granddaddy of all museums in the OC is The Orange County Natural History Museum, which is dedicated to the preservation, exhibition and interpretation of Orange County. If this date scores more than 30 minutes, take in a lecture or a workshop, like egg decorating, in which you can create a stylized, unique memento of your date. In twenty years, I bet you’ll still have that egg!
4. A visit to the zoo is guaranteed fun. You can easily agree to meet in front of the monkey cage and take it from there. Share a banana split, continue through the zoo or go your separate ways. No matter what, apes are always entertaining. The Santa Ana Zoo at Prentice Park is a public zoological garden occupying a unique urban site in the heart of Orange County and is situated on approximately 20 acres. Or, the Orange County Zoo, located inside beautiful Irvine Park in the City of Orange. This bad boy is 477 acres.
5. And last, but not least, take an afternoon tea with Elvis or a moonwalk with Michael at The Movie land Wax Museum in Buena Park. There are over 300 characters here, and believe it or not, you will have a blast at this glossy, paraffin affair.
So there it is people of Orange County! Your top 5 .30 Minute Date Spots! Remember,it’s always better to leave them longing for more than searching for an escape route.
